Friday, February 24, 2012

A Captivating Journey

I am going on a journey, a journey that will hopefully lead me and create me into the woman that I want to be; a woman after God's own heart; I want to be "CAPTIVATING."
For the next forty days I will be going deeper into the bible, this journey is not really a physical one, but a spiritual and mental one; digging deep within myself, searching out my heart so that I may begin to unveil the mystery of my soul and to try and understand myself more. I want this to lead me into an stronger everlasting relationship with my savior.
I am not going to pretend that this is going to be easy, because I know it's not going to be. My heart and mind have been so lost for a long time in the darkening shadows of my sinful desires, but I know God is breaking through these thick steel bars that feel incased in. I feel him bringing me back. As of yesterday I am give my heart, mind, soul and body over to Christ so that he may be able to use me for his glory and praise. I want to glorify him in everything I do. I am not perfect in any way and I know that I will fall at times, but I am not afraid anymore. I am not going on this journey alone because I know God and my family will be with me every long, hard and painful step of the way. Sometimes it is hard to be a woman, but I am grateful that I am one. I am a woman created by a loving savior who loves me no matter what. I want to live my life for him.
"You can't enjoy the sunshine without a little rain."
"God knows that our heart is core to who we are. It is the source of all our convictions. It is the foundation of our faith, our hope and of course, our love." (Captivating)

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Letting Go

There is a time for everything; a time to hold on and a time to let go. Many of us have a hard time letting go of pain, people, addictions, regrets. Letting go is one of the hardest lessons in life, but it is one the many things that make us stronger; that makes who we are to become.

"Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be."
-- Anon
It is tough getting our minds to grasp the very nature of this. Our hearts and needy souls cling to the things that bring us comfort and peace. Like an umbrella shielding us from getting wet on a rainy day, sometimes it is that very thing that we need to get out from under; that very thing that keeps from feeling, from experiencing new wonders. Why stay under the umbrella when you can dance in the rain and emerse yourself in the beauty of the sun when it chooses to shine once more. We have to let go of things in-order to move forward.

"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life." --Unknown

Letting go and putting everything in Gods hands will lift such a heavy burden off our shoulders. Gods knows what we need and knows what we don't. He knows what we should hold on to and what we should let go. We just have to be still and listen.
"Be still, and know that I am God;I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." --Psalm 46:10

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Reach by (Peter Furler)

You hold the weight of the world
Still I don't slip through your hands
Your love is bigger
Than just an ocean built by man
I fall again and again,
But you whisper, "You're still mine"
You feel the pain of the world,
But you never push mine aside

And You reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears
And You reach for me
Like a Father wipes away the tears

So many people in this world,
But I hear You calling out my name
You reach for me
Now I'm never gonna be the same

You know all of my fears
There's nothing Your eyes can't see
When I tried to give up,
Lord, you never gave up on me
I give You all of my hopes and dreams,
I lay them down
Of all the place I've looked,
You're the one truth I have found


You hold the weight of the world,
Still I don't slip through Your hands
You put the stars in the sky
You know every grain of sand

But You reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears
And You reach for me,
Like a Father wipes away the tears

So many people in this world,
But I hear You calling out my name
You reach for me
Now I'm never gonna be the same

You reach for me
For me

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Selfish Poem

Today I found a poem, or something like that, that I wrote a while ago. I don't remember what I was really feeling that day, but I must of been in one of my depressed/lonely moods...It goes like this.

"Right now, I really don't know what to feel. The thoughts inside my head seems so real. I feel stuck in a thick never ending fog has encased me without a splurge of light to bring any hope to my shattered heart, to bring any healing to my tired body, to comfort my lonely and lost soul. How long will I have to endure this? How long will I be forgotten like a book left out in the rain?
My smile has seemed to disarming off my face now replaced with a paper one with no real joy or emotion behind it. My mind I wish was in a different place, but can find no escape from the burdensome thoughts that have been so heavily placed upon it. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go. I feel like I have no one. If only people could feel the emptiness that I feel, but then again would they even care. Do I cross anybody's mind? I doubt they even see the help sighs burning through my eyes. Maybe if I touched the with my cold lifeless hands, maybe then they would see me, but then again, I'm no one important.
Day by day I pass through feeling this way, caught in a dark storm of gray. It makes me start to think-will I ever be saved?" life sounds terrible! But I wasn't in reality when I was writing this. I was being selfish, only thinking about me, me, me! I wasn't being grateful for what I did have. I have a wonderful family that loves me, I am blessed with an amazing boyfriend, and even though I don't have many I do have some really great friends. Everyone has problems on their life, but mine....they weren't nothing to complain about really. I was letting myself fall under the evil lies of the world, giving it the strength to take hold and bog me down.

"Lord, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you."
(Psalm 88:1)

"Jesus loves me! He loves me! When we get Gods love, really get it, so that we internalize it, our view of life changes." (Stained Glass Hearts) When I finally realized this, and gave my life (mind, soul and body) back to God everything changed. When I stopped thinking about myself and started thinking about other people, I was a much happier person. It's amazing how great it makes you feel when you share the love of Christ. Just remember you are never alone, forgotten or unloved.

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "I will never leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Sometimes Simple Is Profound

Touch screens, Internet, cell phones, iPod, laptops....Things just keep getting more high tech and complicated. Everyone seems to have one or (has to have one). Don't get me wrong, I have a laptop and a touch screen phone and I find myself on them all the time! I'm sure that can't be a good thing?
There are so many things that go on around us that we miss, because we are so busy: texting, surfing the Internet or blaring music from our "Fancy Dancy" music players (whatever happened to the portable CD players that we all thought were so AMAZING?!) Anyhow, we can get so caught up in things that we think are important that we miss the things that really are. So, what things are important to you? Make a list from least to the greatest then look it over. What did you jot down as most important?
I know I have found myself choosing the computer or phone over a conversation or just spending time with my family. I wonder what I have missed? Where that conversation or time could have gone if I just turned the computer off or set the phone down. God and family should be at the top of the list, they are always gonna be there for you and love you no matter what; I don't think any electronic can do that. Technology may be there for a moment, but God and our family will be there for a "life time."
So, set down what your doing and get up. Go and make memory's that you can look back on with a full heart and a big smile. :)

"I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself." (Psalm 89:1-2)

Monday, January 2, 2012

Reflection of the Heart

I know I haven't been blogging much lately. It has been a long time; much to long. Life has a way of getting in the way, distorting our view, leaving us dry like a bone with no motivation to do much of anything. My life has been going through a lot of ups and downs and 360's (I barely have time to breath). To be honest, with all the stuff that has been happening, I have lost my sight on God and have drifted away like a ship with no sail or like a leaf being blowin' away from the comfort and safety of it's tree.
I am tired; tired of trying to live life on my own.
I've been reading a book called "Stained Glass Hearts" it's about seeing life from a broken perspective. We are all broken. Hurt in all different sorts of ways. In the book I ran across a chapter called "Reflection of Our Heart Condition." It was like a slap to the face moment where my mind all of a sudden came back to life. I saw a glimpse of hope and the love of God.

"His love is ever wooing because of his constancy. And sometimes, rather than as a sudden breakthrough, our knowing comes as a gradual awaking, like a rose unfolding into full bloom. We grow into an understanding of how deeply he cares for us." (Stained Glass Hearts, pg. 50)

This line stuck out to me like I was in a 3D movie. I started thinking to myself "Stephanie....What have you been doing? Why kind of condition is your heart in? Why are you just standing there like a lump on log letting life suck you down like quick sand? Grab on to something! Pull yourself out".........GOD HELP ME! I CAN'T DO THIS......."

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)

I love this verses; always have. It brings me comfort to know that He will be there through all troubles no matter how big or small they are. Not long ago I use to think that I was so far gone in my troubles that I thought I would never be able to come back to Him. I felt worthless and unworthy of His love, because of the things that I have done. But His love for me broke through the madding storm that I had been fighting for so long. (A lost and scared sheep, again found and brought back under the comfort and protection of the Shepherds rod and staff).

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)

How beautiful this sounds to my ears! What joy and life it brings to my paper heart. I refuse to live a life wasted. I refuse to go any longer hiding behind my fears. I am going to let the gifts that God has given me "Shine" and bring "Glory" to Him!
No more living in the darkness. Lord, turn on the lights.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Ready...Or Not So Ready

Life can be hard when your a teen. Your at the point in life where your making your own decisions, getting ready to face the world as an adult, ready...or not so ready.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the younger years where there was hardly a worry in the world. I was safe... I didn't have to make decisions and provide for myself. Why in the world did I wanna grow up to fast?! I guess, because it looked appealing. Adults got do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted...yeah...not so much. It's not as rosy as I thought it would be.

Now that I'm facing the world and slowly, but surely stepping out into a new life and experiencing new things, I find myself...Scared and unsure of what to do. Should I run? Or should I stand my ground and show them that I am confident? When really I feel like a scared mouse about to be trapped. So, where should I go, who should I turn to when I feel the overwhelming pressure about to make it's move for the kill? Family and friends are good, but their not always gonna be there when ya need them, but I know a guy who will! His name is Jesus Christ! In him I find my peace, I find my safety and most importantly,In Him I find myself, my identity, my life, my everything!

I have to admit, sometimes my eyes fall aways from Christ, because at times I feel like he's not listening and at times I wonder if he is even there, but I know he is.

I know I'll never be good enough to deserve his love and forgiveness. He doesn't have to love and forgive me, but chooses too! Isn't that great?!

With growing up there comes a lot of doubt, pressure, responsibility's and people comparing you to other people who come along...Now, doesn't that sound fun! Haha...Not so much...That's life I guess, but that not the life I want! I mean I have responsibility's of course, but I wanna life full of love. I wanna wake up every morning with a smile on my face knowing that I have the strength of God beside me through every thick and thin situation the world has to throw at me!

Wait just a second! What am I doing wanting, when I can have or already have it?! He's only a prayer away, waiting with open arms to embrace you with the greatest love you can't even begin to imagine. It's such a relief to know that I have a might God that no one can take away! :)